


Prince Albert

by ilikeshipment



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Group Sex, M/M, Multi, Piercings, dick piercing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 06:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4736111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilikeshipment/pseuds/ilikeshipment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>North and York dare Wash to get his dick pierced. Wash is not held responsible for the sequences that follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during early Freelancer.
> 
> Also Wash and Maine communicate with ASL because I said so.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You wanted to,” York teased.

“Not really, you guys dared me!” Wash yelled back.

“Can you two please calm down?” North asked from the driver’s seat. “Wash, don’t worry, it’ll be quick and easy.”

“Yeah, just like you.” York joked. North reached for whatever was closest to him, a pack of gum, and threw it at York’s head.

When they pulled up to the place, Wash wanted to go back immediately. It was super shady and it didn’t even have a name. There were just illuminated letters that read, “Tattoos and Piercings.”

“Okay, no, no, no. I’m not going in there.” Wash spat. York grabbed his arm and opened the car door.

“Sure, you are,” he said and pulled him out. The three musketeers entered the shop where they were greeted by a middle aged man covered in tattoos and with a few facial piercings.

“How are we doing today?” he greeted.

“Hi.” North was the only one to reply. “I called earlier about the uh… PA piercing?” The guy nodded.

“For you?”

“No, for my friend.” Then he motioned towards Wash, who was squirming in York’s hold and was significantly scrawnier than the guy the piercer was picturing. The guy just nodded.

“Ah. Well, come on back to the private room, then,” he said. He motioned with his hand for Wash to follow and was slightly taken back when he realized all three of them were following. “Are you guys… you wanna watch?” He asked, a bit confused.

“Yeah, man, it’ll be hilarious,” York finally spoke. North elbowed him.

“Okay, well, come on in.” He pointed to Wash. “You have a seat and, uh, undo your pants.” Wash did exactly that, getting redder in the face as he continued.

“So, um,” Wash squeaked. “I’ve heard that you uh… have to be erect when you do this? Is that true?” He asked, feeling more and more nervous. He could hear his pulse. The piercer looked at his dick and then looked back up.

“Sometimes,” he said. “Does it get much bigger than this when erect?” Wash coughed. _What kind of question is that?_ Wash thought.

“Yes?” Wash answered. York snickered.

“How much bigger?”

“A lot?” Now York was laughing and trying to hide it in North’s shoulder.

The piercer ignored them. “Then yes because otherwise it’s hard to gauge which size is good for you.” Wash went pale and the guy laughed. “Don’t be nervous, I have some Playboy in the corner. I’ll… leave you to it.” He said before leaving. He didn’t notice that neither York nor North followed him out.

Wash’s eyes were huge and he turned to his friends. They burst out laughing at the sight of him. “This guy is shady as fuck! There’s no way I’m going through with his!” He hissed.

“Aw, it’s too late, Davey,” York teased. “You’ve gone this far. Now look at the pretty girls in the magazines,” he laughed harder.

Wash’s face went straight. “That’s not gonna do me much,” he deadpanned.

North smirked. “Maybe, we can help?” He said standing up.

“What?”

North chuckled as he got completely into Wash’s space and kissed him. They could hear York laughing still. North pulled away and looked Wash in the eyes. “Hm?” Wash nodded and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around North’s neck and North grabbed him by the hips. Then Wash felt other hands on his thigh, which told him to spread his legs a little further apart.

Wash was still wearing his pants with just his soft dick hanging out. York made sure that didn’t last long, though. He pulled his shirt up and mouth and licked at Wash’s lower stomach and hips. Eventually working his way down to the waistband of his underwear. But he stopped there to look up at Wash, who was panting. North had moved to work on his neck and Wash’s mouth was hanging open from the pleasure. Wash put a hand in York’s hair. “Keep going,” he breathed.

York complied. He took one of Wash’s balls in his mouth and sucked. Wash let out a soft moan. He was leaning back now with his hands bracing himself on the table top. North was still sucking and licking at his neck and pulling his hair. Wash loved having his hair pulled. It wasn’t long before he was fully erect. Then there was a knock at the door.

“You good in there?” The piercer asked. Wash’s lovers chuckled.

“Y-yeah. I’m good now.” Wash called.

“Great, I’m coming in now.” York and North scrambled to get back in the corner. Then the door opened. When the piercer saw Wash, his eyes got big for a second. “Wow, you weren’t lying.”

York laughed again.

Then the guy looked up and saw the rest of Wash, all flushed with messy hair. Then he looked over to the corner and saw the two guys he forgot about, giggling and smirking. He nodded his head and mouthed, “Oh.”

He set up his table and sanitized the area he was about to pierce. The air was a bit awkward, so he thought he’d lighten up the mood. “So, I bet you’re pretty busy at night, huh?” He asked. Wash coughed on apparently nothing while his boyfriends found that quite hilarious.

“I’ll say,” North said.

“Just don’t strain yourself too much, alright?” He warned. Wash nodded. “Anyway, who gets to go first?” He asked. Wash coughed again.

 “I do,” York and North said simultaneously and, just like that, the piercer regretted ever opening his mouth.  The boys squinted their eyes at each other.

Wanting to change the subject, Wash scrambled to say something. “Ah… uh how long will this take to heal?” Before the piercer answered, he pushed the needle through and then quickly replaced it with the jewelry. Wash yelled out a yelped.

“About 4 weeks,” he answered calmly.

“4 weeks?!” North and York shouted. The guy laughed as Wash was doubled over in pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Wash woke up to the smell of pancakes. Or, at least what could qualify as pancakes at the Freelancer training facility.

“Mornin’ sleepy head,” he heard North coo. He opened his tired eyes to see him and York staring at him.

“Huh?” He asked.

“Happy 4 weeks,” York said with quiet excitement as he shoved the plate of pancakes in Wash’s face. “You know what that meeeans.”

Wash groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.

 

~

 

Of course, that was the talk of the town. Agent Washington, the scrawny noob, got his dick pierced. All the while, his two lovers have been battling it out for four weeks over who gets to test it out first. It has caused quite a few fist fights and of course Wash is just soaking up all the attention. But now the “Big Day” has come and Wash is facing a dilemma he never thought he’d have to face.

“I don’t know what the fuck to do,” he said, tossing the ball up and catching it. He was lying on the floor next to Main, who was sharpening some of his knives while being a therapeutic ear.  “This is so awkward. Like, they’ve been fighting over my freaking dick, which is something I never thought would _ever_ happen to me, and of course I loved it. But now I have to actually choose. Like, this is weird, right?”

Maine shrugged. Wash continued throwing and catching the ball. “Gosh, what do you think I should do?”

Maine shrugged again, but then he put down his knife and turned to Wash. “Who do you want it to be?” he signed.

Wash sighed. “I don’t know,” he signed back.

 

~

 

Wash was sitting at a computer typing a report when he felt hands on his shoulder. They started to massage him and then York was kissing his cheek. “Hey, gorgeous,” he sighed. Then he bit the shell of Wash’s ear. He took in a sharp breath and then let it out slowly. Then he pushed York off of him.

“I’m not just gonna fuck you without North here,” he said.

“So, does that mean I’m first?” York asked, only half joking.

Wash sighed. York put a hand on his shoulder again. “I don’t know, okay?” Wash snapped. York stepped away.

“Okay.” He sounded hurt. Wash hated that. “I was only asking.” And then he turned to walk away.

Wash shook his head. “Hey, wait,” he said gently as he got up. He walked over to him and then got on his tip toes to kiss him. York cupped his face and kissed him back.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

 

~

 

North swung a kick to Wash’s ear, which he successfully blocked. Then he threw a punch to North’s stomach, but North moved out of the way.

“Your reflexes have gotten quicker,” North complimented.

“Thanks.”

“I mean it, you’ve really improved.” Wash took advantage of North’s distraction to swing a kick that actually hits North’s side.

“Oh,” North said, grabbing where he was hit. “You really have improved.” He sounded surprised.

“Oh, so you didn’t mean it the first time?” Wash teased. North threw another punch, which Wash dodged again. “Oh, come on! You’re not even trying!”

North let out a low chuckle as he marched towards Wash.

“Uh oh.”

Then North wrapped his arms around Wash’s waist and picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Wash let out a yell as North was cracking up. He kept Wash draped over his shoulder as he spun him around.

“Ahhhh, North! Put me down!” He was flailing his arms and kicking his legs. The few agents that were watching their match were laughing at him.

“Maybe I wasn’t trying because I didn’t want to hurt you,” North explained as he finally put Wash down. “How are you feeling? Are you sore at all?”

Wash shook his head trying to regain his balance. “I’m fine. No soreness.”

North removed his helmet. “Glad to hear it,” he said and gave Wash a wink.

“You’re impossible,” Wash said.

“Hey, I don’t want you hurting later tonight when uh, well, y’ know,” he said smoothly.

Now Wash pulled off his helmet. “I know,” he said sounding slightly annoyed. “But I haven’t decided yet.”

North just nodded and gave him a smile. “That’s okay. Take your time.” And then he turned and walked away. _It’s alright, Ol’ Northy,_ He thought to himself.   _Just kill him with kindness._


	3. Chapter 3

Wash stopped in front of the door he dreaded opening. With a deep, deep sigh, he twisted the doorknob and pulled. North and York were lying on the bed, wearing just their sweatpants. They both looked to Wash and smiled.

“There he is,” North said.

“We’ve been waiting. We thought you weren’t gonna come.”

Wash gave a weak smile. “Look, guys, I don’t know. I know you were excited, but I… I don’t know.” He hung his head.

North sat up. “Hey, hey it’s okay. We were just talking about it and we came up with a compromise.” Wash looked up at them.

“You did?”

“Yeah, North offered for me to go first if uh,” he looked over Wash’s body. “If he gets to suck it first.”

Wash thought it over. Then he smiled. “Okay,” he started to laugh. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He walked over to the edge of the bed and took both their hands. “I mean, I was gonna see who gave a better rim job, but this works.”

The guys laughed and pulled him down onto the bed. “I think that competition is gonna have to wait for another day,” North said.

“Yeah, don’t get cocky.”

Wash giggled and then scooted up the bed until his head was on the pillows. Then he motioned for them to kiss him. And they did just that. They alternated who got his lips and who got his face and neck until North got Wash shirtless. And then he was leaving trails of kisses down his body until he got to waistband. He pulled his pants down to his knees and kissed at his hips. All the while York was licking into his mouth or biting his lip.

Finally, North pulled Wash’s boxers down and actually gasped when his boner sprung free. York couldn’t help it; he had to turn away from Wash’s mouth to take in the sight. Wash’s cock looked perfect with the jewelry and he got twice as excited as he was before. They both watched as North experimentally touched it, and then moved the bar around a bit.

“Does that hurt?” he asked. Wash shook his head. “Good.” Then he gave a little flick of the tongue and Wash threw his head back. York started sucking at his neck, but kept his head turned so he could watch North.

North licked up the shaft a few times before swirling his tongue around the head, making sure to play with the jewelry, too. Wash let out a moan. “Mm, guess it feels good,” North said before finally taking the head into his mouth and sucking. Wash moaned louder and brought his hand down to North’s hair.

Enjoying the view, York leaned over to the side table to grab the tube of lube. He started opening himself up as he watched North basically inhale Wash’s dong. It didn’t take long for him to get up to three fingers and the wet slurping sounds North was making was becoming too much.

“Don’t make him cum, now. I still get a turn,” he warned North. He finally let Wash’s dick go with a loud pop.

“Guess you’re right,” he said. York quickly scampered over to Wash’s dick and slathered some lube onto it, giving it a few quick jerks.

“I can’t fucking wait to feel you inside of me,” he spoke. He leaned forward to kiss Wash, wet and sloppy. He then straddled his hips and sunk right on down. He let out a moan at the feeling. The metal was cold, along with the lube, but the sensation was different. It was smoother and added an extra amount of pressure inside of him that he wasn’t expecting. “Jesus fucking Christ, this is amazing,” he panted.

North chuckled from where he laid next to Wash. “I knew this was a good idea,” he said.

“Hey… this was… my… idea,” York managed to say. Wash wasn’t even moving his hips; he didn’t have to. York was going to town, moving himself up and down Wash’s shaft.

Wash panted a laugh, which turned into a groan. Then he reached over and started to loosely stroke North’s erection; mostly just to get his attention. “You know… while York is busying himself I could tend to… other things.”

North smirked and then moved to straddle Wash’s shoulders, with his dick right in front of Wash’s mouth. Wash happily latched on and started sucking away, at least the best he could from this angle. It was good enough for North, though. He could probably cum just from hearing the sounds York was making. It made him all the more eager to be in his position tomorrow night.

Eventually, York noticed North had joined the fun and leaned forward a bit to bite into his neck. Partially to give North more pleasure and partially to give him something to lean on because damn he was getting tired. He didn’t want to admit it, though, because that piercing felt so _good._ He changed his angle so it was nailing his prostate every time and it wasn’t long before he was coming onto North’s back. He let out a long moan, but kept going because Wash hadn’t cum yet.

Wash was still choking on North’s dick when he finally came. It felt really fucking weird with the piercing, but still amazing nonetheless. Poor North was last to cum, but when he did Wash swallowed all of it and licked the rest of him clean. When North removed himself from Wash’s shoulders, they both looked over to see York collapsed and completely exhausted. North let out a tired chuckle before positioning himself so he was lying next to Wash again. He threw an arm across his chest and kissed his cheek.

“That was amazing, babe,” he whispered. Wash turned and kissed his nose. “Glad to hear it.”

York finally arose from the dead and dragged himself over to lie next to Wash on his other side. “That,” he paused for emphasis. “Was one of the best experiences of my entire fucking life.”

Wash laughed and wrapped his arm around him, making him join the cuddles. York and North went out like a light, leaving Wash to his thoughts. He stared at the ceiling for a while before giving himself a satisfied smirk and then drifting off to sleep.

 

~

 

Wash timidly opened the door and peaked in. Maine was sitting on his bed reading. He looked up to see his tiny friend and then motioned for him to come in. Wash closed the door and then sat on the edge of the bed.

“How was it?” Maine signed.

“Good,” Wash spoke. “It ended up being York,” he said sheepishly. Maine breathed out a laugh. Then Wash got cheeky. “They still don’t know it was actually you to go first.”

Maine grinned and held out a hand. Wash took it and then climbed into his lap. Wash kissed his jaw. “Thanks for going easy on me,” he said quietly. “It actually hurt a lot, but I didn’t tell them that.”

Maine rubbed his back a little bit. “Anytime,” he said, voice harsh, but somehow soft. Wash smiled and nuzzled his face into Maine’s neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Me and moosetashioedmonocle thought this up so here we are.


End file.
